Friday, May 22, 2009

Mandy Moore Broke My Heart

So in one of my earlier posts, I reported on the sad state of UFC 97. Now, the day before I once more brave the drive to East Brunswick to watch the [hopefully] thrilling Rashad Evans vs. Lyoto Machida championship bout, I have just seen what can only be described as a bad, bad omen.

Following the status update "I don't know which is more sad, Mandy Moore's new single or the video," Kim and I decided to take on the challenge and critique the former teen bubble denizen's newest foray into mass entertainment.

How are these two stories related you ask?

Sadly, I have an answer for you: Chuck Liddell.

The former UFC powerhouse makes an unexpected (and truly sad) cameo in this confusing video for a bad pop song. One can only wonder what kind of career move the former light heavyweight champ thought this would be, though it's strange to think of any kind of "career" that is boosted by a swift kick to the jewels by the star of A Walk to Remember.

Though I have to admit, I've never gone through a mixed martial arts career, I do know that being degraded by a twenty-something pop star is not the best way to follow up a massive defeat at the hands (and feet) of a grown man wearing booty shorts with eyes on the cheeks. Unless, of course, he has decided to star in light hearted movies, possibly my reccomended third installment of the Step Up film franchise with Channing Tatum, or maybe High School Musical 4: MMA mentoring an aspiring Zac Efron.*

I don't mean to seem overly critical of the Iceman; don't get me wrong, I really like him. I'm just trying to put things in perspective. Mr. Liddell, if you're out there, please, please deliver a swift kick to your agent's face, as he clearly does not have you or your image in mind.

My hopes for tomorrow's fight have suddenly dampened, though perhaps if I go into it with the mindset of a comedy rather than a sport, I'll enjoy it the same way I did the last one. Well Dana White, what do you have to say for this one?

*Legal claim - if any studio actually makes either of these movies (or similar ones), I claim 15% gross for providing the idea. There, I'm covered.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

I, Xander

So I've decided to build a robot.

Yeah, it sounds hokey, but hell, why not? I mean, look at it this way: I'll be learning some real skills and learning how to build an army of minions. It's like kids with an off switch!

The first thing you need to know about robot building is that it's not just putting wheels on a little metal man, you've actually gotta put some thought into it. I have a feeling that this is going to take a long time and there will be parts (the soldering and the electronics laying around) that Kim may not be a fan of, but what the hell, if I can recreate that R2D2 from The Sharper Image that can beer you, then I will have fulfilled my life. Plus, I can justify myself as "it's either this or let's have kids." The threat of children, always good for when you want to push something through the relationship committee.

I know that it'll be a steep learning curve (as I've never had training in this kind of thing before), but I think I'll be able to muddle through. And as much as I like doing things myself, if anyone out there has even taken a stab at building a robot before, please don't hesitate to let me know, I need all the resources I can get (especially finding all the parts), since servos and on board memory are not exactly in one unified place (or in one unified country).

I know I'm cutting this one kind of short, but until I actually start, there's really not that much more to say. I'll be sure to keep everyone updated!

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Why I Am Not A Tweeter

So Twitter is (was) the new big thing.

A month ago, you couldn't go more than two hours without someone telling you about a memorable tweet. Now I only see it quoted on the web.

I feel this blog and my Facebook are self-serving enough, I don't need to plug the Matrix into my life anymore than it already it is. That's not to say that I'm a Ludite or anything, I just have a feeling that using Twitter would only serve to either enhance the possibility of awkward situations or simply seem a bit too egotistical, even for me.

Let's say I'm going out somewhere. I want to give a shout out to all my peeps to show up at The Ale N 'Wich or other such watering hole. An ex-girlfriend, friend that's got beef with me or ::insert annoying acquaintance here:: sees it and decides, 'this would be the best possible time to go start something.' I show up expecting Smithwick's and fun, I end up with Jack Daniel's judgement and bad decisions. At best, I wake up the next morning with a bit of explaining to do. At worst, I'm kicked out of one of my favorite bars. No good.

Okay, for argument's sake, let's say the tweet is something benign and harmless. Do people really need to know "Buying tickets for Foo Fighters show in August!" or "This is going to be legen-wait for it-dary!"? The short answer is: no.

If I feel the need to tweet something that badly, I can easily update my Facebook status, thus avoiding any ex-girlfriends (since they're all pre-Facebook break ups...yes, I'm getting old) and friends with beef/::insert annoying acquaintance here::, since my update would be lost in the plethora of others, or I would have them on a block list.

While I do see the subtle irony in blogging against getting a Twitter account, I feel every great man deserves to have one great fault. Mine has yet to be found, but when it is, you can be damn sure there'll be no tweeting on the matter.

Keep in touch, but not too in touch.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Get Ready to Rock Out With Your Spock Out

I have to admit it. For a while, I was a hater.

I'm one of those old school (TNG old school, but hey, I've only been on the scene since the early '80s) kinda Star Trek fan, so when I heard the early rumors about the new movie, I'm man enough to admit that I had little faith in it. But what you need to understand is that the show, in all of it's incarnations through the years, has been my constant. It has fueled my imagination and my ambition. Hell, because of Trek, I met two of the coolest people on the planet.

But when I heard J.J. Abrams was doing the latest revival of the franchise, I thought 'Whoa, Lost is awesome, but c'mon...this is Star Trek. Granted, some of the most recent stuff wasn't anything like it used to be, but Ron Moore (of TNG, DS9 and recent BSG fame) should be put in charge of it, if anyone (no offense, Rick Berman, but things are a little off track these days). I thought the worst came when I heard about the (rumored) changes to the Trekkie universe. Kirk and Spock & Co. in the Academy at the same time. The Enterprise built on Earth. At Area 51, no less. Kirk not reporgramming the Kobiyashi Maru, but seducing another cadet into doing it. The list went on.


Then I heard about the cast. 'Who?! Sylar as Spock?! Doom Marine as Bones?! Harold (minus Kumar) as Sulu?! Scotty of the Dead?! And who the hell are those people in the familiar roles of Uhura and Checkov?! Man, that pretty boy, O.C.-looking kid better not be Kirk!

Now, however, I am singing a very different tune. After the multitude of previews I have sought out (thank you Apple Trailers) and the reviews, comments and interviews I've read since the initial, sometimes erroneous, rumors got filtered to the truth (in the movie the Enterprise is built on Earth, though this is just part of a novel being made cannonical, there is no Area 51 in the movie, according to Abrams, Kurtzman and Orci).

One can understand, I hope, my initial detraction of this addition (nay, ressurection) of the franchise. My worry, as I'm sure fellow Trekkies would agree, was that the Great Bird of the Galaxy's "wagon train to the stars" was being preempted a Fast and Furious with aliens. Thankfully, this seems not to be the case, and I am excited to see the result of the hard work put in by the new cast and crew.

Now that you've got this power J.J., push for Ron Moore to become the head of Trek. The man is amazing enough to handle that and Caprica, I'm sure of it. Mr. Berman, see the above apology, then explain to me how you wasted the opportunity Enterprise could have been. I'm suprised you didn't have Dean Stockwell appear on the show, then have Dr. Beckett take over Captain Archer's body to save Trip in the finale.

Sorry, I had to get that out of my system.


Sidebar: Trekkie vs. Trekker

Get a life. Really, I mean that. Trekkie was here first, it sounds better, and above all THERE'S NO DIFFERENCE!!! News outlets: do not address this issue, simply refer to us as Trekkies or fans. The people that get upset and differentiate the terms are the same as the kid that stopped talking to Kim in high school because she called Star Trek a saga (it's a series, but it's not that serious).

=good. Starfleet Jedi=loser.